How would you enjoy a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the middle of May? Playing baseball? Fishing off a boat on your pond? Well how about inside of a dark humid high school auditorium? No you say? Well that would be a reasonable way to think, but I love my Mom so I go to her dance recitals at least once a year anyways and sit through the same procession. It's almost come to the point where I'm well versed enough in the world of dance that I can critique it. In fact it's close enough that I plan to do so.
I've been going to dance recitals for as long as I can remember for not only my Mom but also my Grandmother. I've sat in small high school auditoriums like Horace Mann middle School in Franklin or Blackstone Milville Regional High School and grand theaters like Brandies College, but they all have their striking similarities. I've seen it from all the angles, backstage and backrow. I find quirks so stupifying that when they happen I can't help but be annoyed to the point of slamming my fist to my head, but for some reason I still identify with them.
First off, it's important to know that everyone who is part of one of these programs has dedicated nearly 90 percent of their waking lives to it in the last month, putting much of that time into the sewing of sequins and listening to someone shout loudly in a strange count that musicians are baffled by, "5, 6, 7, 8!" 1 through 4 are for some reason always missing. Anywho, the dedication that these dancers have for their spring recitials is immense and very apparent in the lack of knowledge of any outside happenings. What, you mean Father's day is the same day as the recital? Oh, well I'm sure he'd love to spend it watching 2+ hours of dancing.
As strange as these goings on are outside the show, the strangest and sometimes most annoying is what happens during the recital. Shout-outs... if only there were a way to write that would convey someone putting their forehead in the heel of their palm and gritting their teeth. Yes we all know you love your friends, especially Shannon, WOOOO Shannon! We love you Shannon, screw you Stephanie. Yes there is no better way to annoy me, alienate an audience that is mostly there to only see one person, and alienate half the dancers on the stage at the same time. I think after every shoutout the increase of crying babies increases tenfold, which is already at annoying levels to begin with.
The last thing I must address with dance recitals is the handing out of flowers and awards at the end of the show. Every production does this and I for one can completely respect the fact that those who have worked hard should be acknowledged. Unfortunately things usually go way too far. It's when multiple carts full of flowers have to be wheeled out that I lean back in my chair and know I'm not going anywhere soon. Each flower being handed out comes with a full 5 minute speech using phrases like "hard work", "dedication" and "sequin sewing abilities". Then the senior dancers get to go up and present their inside joke to an audience full of outsiders. Thanks, we are really glad you struck a pose and said a phrase that makes no sense to everyone in the audience.
As much as I am ripping on the practices of dance recitals that I am describing here, I must say that I am coming at this completely with a neutral mindset and have even participated in some of my own. Yes, that is what happens when your mom teaches dance and makes you come to her dance studio after school every other day of the week. I don't mind watching dance recitals because honestly, with the family I have, it's part of my life.
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